Shovel Talks
by Mystical Authoress
Summary: Kamiizumi is oblivious to his fiancé getting pushed about by nearly everyone else in Eternia until some of the Asterisk Bearers give the Swordmaster shovel talks of their own in retaliation. Determined to put an end to the madness, Kamiizumi takes drastic measures—much to Geist's amusement. (no tabs for Nobutsuna Kamiizumi or Geist Grace)


**Author note: I do not own Geist Grace or Nobutsuna Kamiizumi, nor do I own Bravely Default/Second.**

 **Warning: Post-Bravely Second, references to other fanfics in the "Things We Cannot Undo" continuum, shovel talks (threats of violence), GeistxKamiizumi.**

 **I hope you all enjoy reading this! XD**

* * *

 _Shovel Talks_

Summary: Kamiizumi is oblivious to his fiancé getting pushed about by nearly everyone else in Eternia until some of the Asterisk Bearers give the Swordmaster shovel talks of their own in retaliation. Determined to put an end to the madness, Kamiizumi takes drastic measures—much to Geist's amusement.

* * *

"Do you have a moment?"

The Swordmaster lowered his katana's blade from the training dummy, turning to see the Blazing Wolf leaning against the doorway.

"Janne." Kamiizumi sheathed the katana. "What might be the matter?"

The teen sighed, crossing his arms, a sullen look on his face. The Swordmaster wondered why the teen looked so cross, but then the words flew out of the other's lips.

"Look," Janne started, raising an eyebrow, "your reaper fiancé and I might not be great with each other all the time, but at least I can give him some respect for trying to turn his life around since then. So," The teen stared right up at the older man, "I may not know what's going on with you both, but _hurt_ Geist the Bloody _or Grace or whatever_ name he's using these days, and I _promise_ that you're going to get a nice _impalement_ on my blade next time we meet."

… _What?_

Before Kamiizumi could ask, the teen stormed out. As he pondered over the threat, his thoughts then went to Geist.

 _Has this been going on for some time?_

* * *

Kamiizumi's question was somewhat answered when he got shovel talks from Nikolai, Aimee, Dark Vestal Bella and even Cu Cuhalin. Needless to say, the Swordmaster was somewhat terrified at the prospects of:

Being impaled on a rapier,

Shot in the heart three times,

being subjected to magical torture and then

Being impaled on spears.

Thank the Crystals that neither Revenant _nor_ Minette had threatened him about this. It would be very scary if his and Geist's kids went into that sort of activity.

This could not go on forever, Kamiizumi decided. He needed to stop it— _now._

"Geist, exactly _how many people_ gave you the shovel talk during the past year?"

The Exorcist looked startled as Kamiizumi barged into his office. Thankfully, he wasn't in the middle of healing a patient right now. He was by himself. "Nobutsuna," He started, "Shouldn't you be—?"

"I know I'm supposed to be having a lesson with my pupils, but _this_ is more important." The Swordmaster managed with a slight look. "Janne, Aimee, Nikolai, Bella and even Cu gave _me_ the shovel talk just earlier, and told me that several others were giving the same _to you!"_

"Wait—" The Exorcist stared, "They _actually_ went through with it?"

"You mean _they told you_ that they were going to threaten me!?"

"I thought they were joking! I didn't think they were actually serious!"

 _Crystals, what has been going on that I haven't noticed until now? Rather,_ _ **how**_ _did I not hear of this until now…?_

"How long has this been going on? I mean," The Swordmaster sighed, "This shouldn't be happening—we've been living with each other _and_ we've been in a relationship for about a year, now. It should have died down, if anything! We're _engaged!"_

Geist groaned, shaking his head with disapproval. "On the contrary, it hasn't died down. It's…" He grimaced. "It's happened _repeatedly_ , since I moved in with you. It only increased further once we started dating, and _now_ it's been really bad, now that we're engaged."

"So…" Kamiizumi had to backtrack a bit in his mind. "Even we _before_ we got together as a couple, this was happening for the past year and you didn't tell me?"

There was some awkward silence, and then Geist nodded, looking down.

"I….didn't want to inconvenience you. That's all."

 _Oh Crystals._ Kamiizumi was not going to let this fly.

"Geist," The Swordmaster took a deep breath, taking a step forwards and wrapping his arms about the other, looking him in the eyes, "I want to make it _perfectly clear_ that although I appreciate you trying to minimize my hearing bad news, this case is only going to cause further harm to your well-being. Next time something like happens…please tell me about it, alright? Your happiness matters."

Geist blinked in surprise, then looked up at him. "You…mean that?"

"Of course I do, Geist." Kamiizumi was already plotting in his mind as of what to do. "Tell me, which people gave you the shovel talk?"

"Mostly the asterisk bearers." Geist admitted. "Einheria is among them, as well as Barbarossa, Praline, Kikyo, Heinkel, Holly, Barras, Alternis, and even _Jackal and DeRosa_ spoke to me about it."

Kamiizumi did his best not to groan audibly. This was surely driving home that despite _both_ of them having horrid wrongdoings in their past, Kamiizumi was still loved by many and…Geist was loved by few, in a sense. More people than a year ago, yes, but still.

Taking a deep breath, he took Geist's hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly. "Thank you, for telling me. I'll be sure to give them a taste of their own medicine."

Geist stared at him incredulously. "You're going to _kill_ all of them?"

The Swordmaster stared back. "What? _No!_ That wouldn't be good! I mean—well," He sighed, "I'll figure something out, Geist. I swear that I won't kill them."

"Hmm." Geist nodded, then asked again. "Are you going to torture them?"

Kamiizumi groaned. _"No."_

* * *

Jackal yawned, looking to Einheria. "Why are we here again, Frills?"

Einheria looked annoyed at the nickname as she looked to him. "The Swordmaster wanted to inform us of something important. That's why."

"I wonder what it is…." Praline looked around, then to the Dark Knight. "What do you think, Alternis?"

"I have no idea, to be honest." Alternis stated, looking to Heinkel and Kikyo. "Do either of you know?"

Kikyo quietly shook her head as Heinkel snorted. "As much as I want to know, I _don't_ know."

"Well…" Praline thought a bit, then gasped, squeezing Kikyo in a hug from behind. "The Swordmaster and the Exorcist are engaged, so they _could_ be announcing the wedding date!"

Kikyo nearly choked at the sudden hug (Praline had a tight grip), motioning with a hand for her girlfriend to let go, and Praline quickly did so as Heinkel's jaw dropped a bit.

"That…that soon? I thought they just got engaged about a month ago…"

"Excuse me!" Kamiizumi called to everyone gathered. "I'd like to get started on some very…important news."

Everyone else immediately went silent. The Swordmaster blinked. That…was fast. Taking a deep breath, he was about to speak when Praline raised a hand.

"Is it about your wedding date!?"

Kamiizumi shook his head. "No, it's not."

"Have you decided one yet?"

"No. We're still working on it." The Swordmaster managed. "I need to talk about more pressing matters."

"Oh." Praline looked disappointed. "Okay."

"Thank you." He cleared his throat, before speaking once more, addressing everyone.

"I will make it perfectly clear," Kamiizumi stated, "that if you hurt Geist Grace, or any of our children or other people that we care for, _I_ will personally cut all of you down as much as I need to so you won't ever do it again."

Everyone gawked at once, horror filling their expressions. Kamiizumi almost wanted to laugh at their shocked expressions, but at the same time _this was serious_.

"After I got shovel talks from some of your fellow Asterisk bearers this morning, Geist informed me that _all of you_ gave him death threats for _the past year_ , should he ever end up harming me." The Swordmaster explained keeping a straight face as much as possible. "As much as I appreciate your care for me, this has been going on for far too long. I have faith that Geist will not hurt me, and I know he feels the same towards me. Please, cease your threats at once as it is only damaging Geist's wellbeing, _especially_ emotionally."

Everyone else was awkwardly silent. Kamiizumi glared at them.

"For crying out loud, he's _my fiancé_ now. He's not going to kill me on the day of our wedding, whenever that is!"

Alternis raised a hand. "But, Swordmaster, what if he tries to kill you after—?"

"He is _not_ going to kill me, _period_. End of discussion!"

* * *

Geist gave a slow, approving nod towards the Swordmaster entering his office in the Central Healing Tower.

"I could hear _everyone_ talking about it." The Exorcist quipped. He smirked. "I think it worked."

The Swordmaster fidgeted as he closed the door behind him. "I think I scared them too much." He admitted. "I didn't think they were going to be _that_ terrified."

"No, I don't think it was _too_ scary." Geist planted a kiss on the Swordmaster's cheek. "Besides," He giggled, "Out of all the ideas as of how to remedy the situation, I think this one was the most amusing."

"I'm glad to see you being amused, then." Kamizumi gave Geist a kiss on the forehead in return, smiling. "Are there any other amusing ideas you can think of, for us to celebrate this occasion?"

"Sitting back and watching my tormentors be tormented by your death threat is fun." Geist quipped. The Exorcist thought about it, for a moment, before speaking again. "I could find the best non-alcoholic bubbly sort of drink available, and we can have a little toast. The kids could join in, too."

Kamiizumi laughed. "As long as it's not going to break the bank."

Geist simply smiled back. "It won't. I promise."

And it didn't, just like Geist promised.


End file.
